I wasn't outraged by the articles about a french writer who dislikes women over 50 and wouldn't date them. Good for him. It's always nice to know what you want.
In my twenties, which is the preferred age for this particular marvel of a man and many others I used to know, lots of my single girlfriends knew what they don't want or don't like - regarding looks, jobs, attitudes, life styles, whatever girls gossip over. I did notice that not many of them were so specific at what they wanted, I even mentioned it to one and she seemed very surprised. Many girls would then go out with very unsuitable men, myself included. They didn't have the obvious quality from the no no list, but they were far from perfect.
I used to go out with few guys older than me. I also worked for men who preferred younger women and were lucky enough to be surrounded by them - bar owners, photographers, restaurant owners... And I did hear that before. It wasn't only about looks, although looks mean a lot to a man, more than what they mean to us women, we are way more forgiving on that front I believe. I did hear some interesting theories about women getting crazy, too demanding, or simply unbearable once they reach thirty. I didn't care much about it, I didn't take it seriously even as my thirties were slowly approaching. I did think that I will simply see how I will change from one day to the next. I was lucky. I wasn't around any of those guys when I went definitely downhill on my thirtieth birthday. I was celebrating with my now husband.
I wasn't very much offended by what I heard, but then again, we didn't get very much offended back then, I think. People seem to take things much more seriously now. Men definitely get away with less than what they used to and it is only good. I noted the remarks, remembered them, and later on realised that I don't really want to hang up with that guy any longer, and left while still young and acceptable. I didn't date so many of them, of course, but I did observe the ever changing arm candy by my boss's side I counted myself lucky.
Only now, safely in the invisible forties, does that article link itself with my past experiences and I think that he may think he is the one in control, the one who decides, but the truth is, this isn't about women's looks at all. We reach an age when we see through all the b...s...t we are being fed, when we get bored with vain narcissistic guys, when we want more from a relationship, and see that we don't like the idea of future with this one. Sure, our bodies change, and dear men, so do yours. But we can see right through you and there comes a day when we decide not to put up with it anymore. We stop being interested in being an arm candy. We decide to be a full grown woman that we want to be, not stay on the girlfriend material side any longer.
I remember how my last boyfriend before my husband, who was a nice man with some flows, suddenly stopped being interesting. I realised I don't want to play second fiddle to his workaholic self. I don't want to only talk about him. I don't want to wait and fit in, keeping my own needs on the side. I want to be equal. I don't need expensive presents, holidays and dinners as much as I need quiet time at home, the boring every day thing that seem to be impossible with him. I didn't leave him because I was approaching crazy age. He didn't leave me because my looks were going. I left because I wanted something that certain kind of men is incapable of giving. I left knowing I would be better on my own. These men are relatively good at hiding that thing about them, lets call it vanity, and only younger girls will fall for it. I don't know who is with my ex now, but I wouldn't be surprised if his girlfriends are of consistently similar age and looks even now, twelve years after me. If it works for him, good on him, but not so good for them.
Also in the news this week: divorced women are having fabulous time and women who never married and never had kids are among the happiest people... Some guys will simply never understand that it isn't all about them, will they?
