I have survived the family holiday. Good on me. It is more challenging than one might expect. For a big part of the year, we are massaged by advertisements for holidays, showing us happy families enjoying their time together, relaxing, frolicking, and having the best time they can get. How comes that the pools, beaches, and restaurants are always empty, pristine, and perfectly lit? How come extended families or groups of friends all get along aimlessly, and nobody is annoyed by having to wait for everyone else to get going or doing what the majority decided?
I used to enjoy travel much more, I have to admit. Airports used to be special places where one was suspended in a no one’s land, and could imagine being somebody else while busy people-watching or looking at the list of destinations and dreaming up the possibilities. Then more security, shops, and budget flights moved in, and the atmosphere shifted somehow, with airports being like shopping malls and trains seeming more luxurious than crammed planes where the shopping pressure continued and the enjoyment of flying was gone.
While I was younger and single, I travelled for work. and holidays were different, often mixed in with work destinations, spontaneous, and carefree. The world seemed to be a big, open adventure. Even for a few years after 9/11, it felt welcoming and safe. I could safely navigate the globe, playing it by ear, because I had no responsibilities other than myself, and I knew how to keep myself safe. I didn’t realise how free I had been back then, but I will never forget it. The slightly hectic and unpredictable lifestyle had taught me that solo travel is the best way to go. I could rely on myself, set my own schedule, and get to know many interesting people. I was on my own, but I was never lonely. Sure, I missed out on some nice photo opportunities, but that’s okay. Snaps from my camera were about places, not about me in them. (Because I happened to travel a lot in the time before smartphones and selfies.) When I happened to fall into a group, it often brought very nice moments and interesting interactions, but in the long-term, I always enjoyed some time on my own. I think these years made me who I am and gave me the confidence that would be hard to build up otherwise.
When I became half of a serious couple, it brought some changes. In the beginning, of course, I wanted to travel with my then boyfriend. I thought it would be the best thing. Well, not really. I realised that I would have to compromise, plan to sync our schedules, and that my favourite places might not be his favourite places. That showing him where I’d grown up would mean enduring similar tours, having to meet many new people, and while having some good time and seeing new places, the freedom I’d been used to would be gone and moments alone would be fewer to come by, and mostly stolen. On the one hand, I had different experiences; on the other, I had to let go or postpone some of the things I wanted to do. Life changed; it is normal, so I accepted less travel and adventure as one of the facts of adulting.
And then came family. Travelling with a child is, of course, a very different game. And playing it by ear doesn’t work very well. Unless you are lucky. Travelling with a baby is a challenge different to travelling with a toddler, young child, or a teenager. At least you need less stuff, and they can carry some of it themselves as they grow up. You can go the whole way and move to all inclusive and theme parks way of travel, or you can pack your child and travel as you used to, while incorporating some child-friendly activities as you go along. I tend to be in the latter group.
After my first summer with a teenager, I am noticing how much life had changed and how different everything is. The little child who would follow along and could be placated with a supply of ice cream and one day at a water park is no more. Instead, the young person next to me has opinions, demands, and, most of all, moods. But at least I can spend time with the teenager and get to know them on the move, in unfamiliar surroundings, out of routine. It is special.
Relationship with a partner, however, gets a beating. The cracks deepen, differences are confirmed, and it is hard to stay polite. Thinking back to the history of our travels, the signs were there from the start. Only in the beginning, one doesn’t believe in them; then, one is willing to overlook them, and, eventually, is willing to accept them as the price of peace. Year by year, that limit of family travel is getting shorter. Soon, the teenager will not be willing to participate in family trips. And I am looking forward to the return to freedom. As life settled and Child grew up, stealing a few days or half-days for a little trip, even locally, had been the one thing that recharged my travel batteries more than anything else.
So, yes, I will do the planning, preparations, packing, and organising for the family trips, but I will also continue being me – the solo-traveller who won’t be tamed.
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