I am now a woman over forty. It isn't a big deal. Turning thirty was an occasion, it was about being a grown up, fully adult. Forty? Meh. OK. No time to fuss, it's a number.
But I do see few grey hair. And few lines. Again, not a big deal. It is to be expected. Do I do something? I stick with my face care routine, I do consider turning grey and having the lovely rich grey locks I see on some women and admire very much. I don't really care about elaborate colours and highlights, but to see an older woman with nice grey hair, good cut, face that aged naturally and never had anything done to it gets my attention. I even consider asking: how did you get there? What did you do before your hair turned all grey, what did you do about those brittle little single grey hair?
What does bother me is facial hair. What is it? Why is it? I know it has to do with hormones and that it is normal, but please. Why? I never needed to deal with things like that, I only shaped my eyebrows. Now? I am on a lookout around the chin and under nose area all the time. And I am not enjoying it at all.
But I can live with that. I am healthy, strong, I know what I want and like, I think this age is good. However, my GP has an urgent need to check my blood pressure, sugar and cholesterol all the time because suddenly, I am at risk. I eat the same, live the same healthy life style, but from month to month I became a liability and me not wanting to book the offered health check makes me an irresponsible person. My dentist keeps talking about receding gums, how normal part of ageing it is. My optician gave me a long speech about my eyesight getting seemingly better, as he needed to lower my lenses prescription, but he reassured me it is because my eyeballs are getting ready to collapse and require reading glasses soon. I don't see any difference but according to him it is coming. All routine appointments I used to do without thinking are becoming a minefield. Am I going to be reminded about my ageing, frail existence? Am I going to be reminded about approaching death?
I feel better if anything, but this is getting me down. Am I living in denial, not wanting to admit that I am falling apart? Or am I right and the rest of the world didn't notice that people age at a different speed. When I was a girl, people celebrating 50 were old. Now they seem middle aged. It used to be a big thing, now it is basically late adulthood.
What I do notice is never ending interest in knowledge, but I am more picky. I know what I want and I don't like to waste my time. Same with people. I do like them but I am not interested in spending too much time with people who don't have much in common with me, who bore me. I don't want to sit through some occasions out of politeness or to be part of a group. When few weddings invitations landed in our mailbox this year I was very bothered. Give me a break! Surely we are over the wedding times now. I would rather walk around the world barefoot than sat at yet another wedding of people I don't know well enough to see it as a big thing. Years ago, I would love to go out, dress up, dance. Now I want to spend my time on things that truly interest me.
Years ago, I was also much more willing to do cardio. I would go to step aerobic and other classes often. Now I am trying to build up a cardio routine, these fast paced exercises you do for a short time but often, and I can't make myself to do it regularly. I like walking, I do gardening, train with my dog, but star jumps and burpees? Gah. I know it is good for my bones and that I will have to make myself do it but it is such a process, it wouldn't be an issue in my twenties. I like quiet. I like to explore meditation and breathing exercises, it overtook my interest in yoga. Again, to join a yoga class is such an effort. But it has to do with the fact that I am responsible for a child and my time is limited. Before, sport was about goals, about my body shape, about my achievement. Now, I want to go deeper, I don't care whether my abs are perfect. I am not getting lazy, it is just different. Good different, I hope... One thing I know is that I wouldn't go back if I could, I am glad to arrive and live in my forties.
