Moving through the chakras, I am working with the Anahata - the heart chakra, this month. And I feel the resistance. When I've read about it, many things resonated with me. There is more emphasis on breathing exercises and they are really good. But I've kept pushing away the physical practise. I did a simple set of postures that didn't feel as challenging.
Anahata is all about opening, acceptance, love, movement of the energy up and beyond. But I don't want to go into it. I hesitate. I don't want to think or confront my feelings right now. They are probably too messy. There are many backbends, some balancing postures, things that often make us uncomfortable. We are used to holding ourselves in a certain way. To lock in emotions and feelings, we close up. Therefore opening and reaching out can bring some emotions we didn't expect. On the physical side, my bad shoulder is meeting new limits and I like to explore it. But some boundaries are firm, not everything is possible. I think about the good old times, when that sets of postures would be done much more easily. I will get there when I am ready. In my body or in my head.
April is my favourite month. My dear child was born in April. It is a month of change and challenge. I feel it more strongly this year, maybe because the pandemic is here for second spring and this year, it is different. We are used to it. Not having a birthday party, not travelling for Easter holidays, not being around people is now normal. We are not as afraid of the virus as we were. It is still here, but we are so used to it being here, we just keep the distance, wash our hands, wear the mask... And it is the opening up, meeting people, going out about that make us worried. I went through a full scale of emotions this month. Excitement, denial, sadness. Now I am at making plans, plotting stage. I will need to see it through to action. But just seeing that I am slowly getting ready is surely a good sign.
