Little things mean more than the big ones. My child is growing up very fast and always measures her time from one big thing to the next - after Christmas, she began looking forward to Easter and her birthday, then will follow the summer holidays, Halloween, and back to looking forward to Christmas. All of it is peppered with school holidays, of course. I don't blame her, I was the same as a child. The big days seemed so exciting. I also thought that a graduation ceremony or a wedding are full of meaning and promise of change. So far, only one big day had lived up to that expectation: the birth of my child. Anything else was just a day...
Life is much more interesting in the moments in between the big things that are deemed important. Preparing for Christmas is much more fun because together with the things created for others and the anticipation of their surprise and the fun in planning a menu or finding an interesting decoration, there is the anticipation that goes flat very fast once the event itself occurs.
What I have learned in life is that the everyday little moments are much more powerful and meaningful and that putting too many expectations into certain things or people leads to disappointment. My best days happen without fuss and planning. The best thing is when I actually manage to notice that I had had a great day straight away. Sometimes, it takes time to know. But inside, I usually know. Only that when I was nineteen years old, bouncing through the hills in the Himalayas enjoying a trek to the Mount Everest base camp, I didn't realize how lucky I was to be there and do what I did. I knew that I was doing something that is the best - waking up every day to spend another day going forward, walking through nature in a wonderful land. I knew it was awesome. I wished I could have walking in the hills as a job so that I could do it every day. But I also didn't see it as extraordinary. I was nineteen. I thought that there was more to see, learn, happen, and experience. I lived from the transformational energy of the first special adventure for a long time and I forever know that my time in Nepal was indeed one of the happiest times in my life. Only when I am older do I see these moments in their true light as they happen, not retrospectively. Also, they don't have to happen in such a spectacular background.
Yesterday, I was home all day. After a few busy days, I was able to sort things that were being put aside. One of the major ones was finishing the first edit of my next book. But beside it were other little tasks like sorting out birthday plans for my daughter, menu for the Easter holidays, book reservations, some appointments, orders that were needed but could (and did) wait, laundry, putting away winter clothes and shoes, taking out spring things... Mundane, everyday things. But as I was ticking off the list knowing that my manuscript was being printed so that I can read it through and do some changes, I was feeling like I was having a great day.
Do I look as if I am now lacking in ambition? I don't know. I had made walking my daily job, I am a dog walker, so the girl who was so happy in the Himalayas is still holding some influence. I knew back then that yoga and writing were important to me and they are still in my life, the major part of my life, really. But I also have a home and a family. And taking care of them is part of my life, too. I can't pack my bag and leave for two months. But I have somewhere to return to, someone who is there for me and with me. I didn't have it back then. Regarding happiness, I've found it. I've never lost it. I had learned that life is about the little everyday invisible achievements, about a break in the evening after a day of work, about the mundane, little moments. They build a mosaic that the one Christmas day or a lit-up birthday cake next to a pile of presents can't beat. The best thing is knowing that you are happy right now and allowing yourself to enjoy it.
