Musings in the garden

 I have come to the conclusion that a garden is very much like marriage. You move to a grown up house and it has a garden. It may be well-kept or something to start to work on. And you want to make it a success. You either decide to keep it in the great condition you have found it, or you carefully plan a lie out, consult a professional, ask friends and family for advice, start visiting garden centres as often as you used to frequent night clubs or fashion chains. Whatever the starting point is, you are confident that you will  make it work and it will be great.

Isn't it similar to a relationship? You moved in, lived together, decided to make it official and found a new 'forever' home. Or, you dated for a long time and decided to make it official, after talking about it extensively with your friends and family, maybe even a priest. Then, after the wedding, you move in together and start to live as a family that you now are.

The garden surprises you. Lets go with the option of a garden you've inherited from previous owners. Before you know it the grass is tall to your knees, there are weeds, you can't see the soil between the flowers which are now dead and overgrown, not looking their best. It may look a little bit like the end of the honeymoon phase, when you realize that you can't even remember what the carefully written vows had actually said, but the reality is kicking in and life is somehow the same as before, only without a wedding and a honeymoon to look forward to, only bills, thank you cards, administrative tasks, and pressure about 'pattering of tiny feet'. You realize that this will take work.

You have an early success. In the first season, you try to sow some seeds, add a few new plants, have a go with strawberries. And you bring home a platter of fruit a day for a while, have a crop harvest of zucchini and tomatoes, your flowers blossom. You find out that the grass needs to be cut at least once in two weeks and that weeds grow faster when it rains. You meet slugs... But you feel optimistic. You have your own food (well, some, but it does feel good not having to buy strawberries or tomatoes). In your marriage, you sorted the post-wedding stuff, settled in your new life, learnt your new signature. You got it!

For the next year, you decide to start a new vegetable patch, grow more produce, get a bird feeder and some nice furniture. You imagine hosting barbeques, lazing on a sun lounger, living more or less outside few months in the year. Husband buys a massive grill and puts it right under the arch on which roses started to climb. You argue what matters more - a good barbeque spot, or nice rose arch? The weather is horrible and you use the garden furniture only twice. Visitors tell you they already had lots of strawberries, their kids stomp in your new flowers, and the vegetable patch is eaten up by slugs. That much for spinach and kale smoothies every morning. In your married life, you find out that fertility issues are more common than you would have thought. People who clapped you on the wedding day remind you that marriage should be done in a certain way and the way is different from what you are doing. But you won't give up, you have the best partner in the world!

Similar scenarios continue through the years. You can't rely on the crop you have hoped to get. It is endless work. So is marriage. Year after year, you look out of the window in February and you start planning what will you grow this year, forgetting that in November you swore you won't bother. In your marriage, you are very much used to your partner. If you do have kids in the end, the next few years will really give you a break from gardening, because you have no energy left. If you don't have kids, there may be pets. Or, ideally, the garden really becomes your sanctuary, a special place where you care for nature and yourself.

There are times when you want to give up. One option is concrete, decking, or artificial turf. In your marriage, that may mean the end. You may only partially give up. Stop growing things, minimal weed maintenance, necessary grass trim, just meh. You may or may not spend time in there. If you do, you notice wildlife. And you think to yourself, that at least you are rewilding... In you marriage, you may live side by side, but don't really care that much. It is what it is. You may make more effort, but is it worth it? You realize that gardening isn't really for you. Same with marriage. But you have a garden now. And a husband. So you get along with it. Possibly, your garden thrives. You make it yours. Change it in a way that works for you. It is a beautiful place. In that case, congratulation, you are in a happy marriage, if you are still going with the metaphor. 

I have these thoughts in my head after weird winter, cold spring, heatwave, and a very wet summer. Our garden looks like a jungle. Behind the fence, some weeds are the size of a small tree. Most strawberries rotted while being eaten by slugs. We have one zucchini and tree carrots. But, whatever. It  is what it is. Relationships, just like nature, move in circles, not in a line.

North East Pilgrimage

 After booking a camping spot in the Northumberland, I was glad to find a big choice of destinations in Britain's Pilgrim Places book. I've soon discovered that a week-long stay with  my family won't allow me to see all of them, but we did manage some and they were great.

To me, pilgrimages are about walking and exploring, but in the Northeast, you can't ignore the saints. They are in all of the stories about the old times of Christianity, stories entwinned with the environment, sea, old legends, and castles. You just know that you are in a place full of history where people lived for a long time and have strong connection with the elements. And you just take it in and learn some new things on the way.

Two names you will hear a lot are St Aidan and St Cuthbert. Stories involving them link places on and off the land.

We've visited Bamburgh and St Aidan's Church, a beautiful old building with impressive sea view. It is easy to spot the old wooden beam on which St Aiden allegedly lay dying. It is now by the ceiling to prevent enthusiasts from chipping away souvenirs and keepsakes. But this place is also important for the story of Grace Darling, a young girl who helped to save lives of 13 shipwrecked people from the Farne Islands in 1838.

After much searching, and troubles from grumpy land owners, we have managed to locate St Cuthbert's Cave. A slab of overhanging sandstone, on a top of a hill, it is a nice place to visit and then continue walking higher up, admiring the views. It is believed that in the 870s St Cuthbert's body was hidden in the cave by monks while fleeing Viking raids. The cave is inaccessible at the moment, we didn't see the graffiti described in the book, but altogether, it was a good walk.

Holy Island is a much easier to find destination, very popular by tourist, connected to the main land by a road that floods twice in a day, so times of visit need to be carefully planned. Once there, it is a place full of history, legends, stories, and, of course, saints. The Lindisfarne Priory dominates the views as you circle around the island, so even without queuing and paying entrance fee, we saw quite a lot and enjoyed this very special place.

Last of the pilgrimage list, Inner Farne Island, was the most remarkable trip. We've managed to find a free place on the boat, not easy in covid times. The hour long stay on the island was devoted to bird watching, the chapel and surrounding space were closed to visitors at the time. St Cuthbert used to live on the island and was considered a guardian of the land and birds, because he banned people from hunting them. The island is busy with birds and visitors, but there are glimpses of what solitude may feel like, if, by a chance, you were the only person left on the island.

After the island visit, we were taken around the other islands in the group, saw more birds, seals, and the place where Grace Darling and her family used to live and where the famous lives saving operation happened.

This Summer Holiday

 As many other people, we didn't even bother looking into international travel this year. Just going somewhere within UK now feels like a treat. Camping used to be an easy addition to our schedule, something to do over a long weekend. Now it became the main event. Finding a free camping space was as difficult as a search for a truly reasonably priced flight to Europe in pre-pandemic years. Packing the car was as exciting as a trip through the airport check-in, security, shops and gate queue for dear child. All of us felt special for simply leaving the home and sleeping somewhere else for the first time in more than a year.

We have spent a week in the Northumberland. And it was great. Dear child had the best time, because the school year had only just ended and we could see the thrill from the freedom, the long weeks of free time stretching ahead. I still remember that feeling... But being around the beautiful part of the world, discovering new places and fulfilling a dream of meeting puffins was great for us all. 

Back home, the old routines are calling, on top of all the unpacking, washing, cleaning, sorting... And the worries about how to fill the rest of the summer break while maintaining some level of work and project accomplishments. The usual parenting dilemmas.

However, I have learnt a few things. Socializing in covid times is possible, even easy when outdoors. Investing in a good tent is a very good idea. So is finding a good dog sitter, because camping with dogs is fun, but you can't explore as much as you can without the dog. My nagging feeling that lockdown is too comfortable for me and I should shake up my routine and leave the house, garden and sourdough starter, because they will cope without me for a while, was true. I will need to find more to do, change direction, leave housewifing. It is time. Yes, lockdown helped me to publish a book and build a good writing routine, as well as maintain very good yoga practise and meditation routine, but it is time to meet the world. The trip reminded me about the big bright world out there. I knew it was there, I've known it and travelled it extensively, but as soon as I finally started making plans for my possible future as the child and dog grew and became less demanding, the pandemic started and everything was paused.

I have already written about the fact that I am a loner, that I liked lockdown. But since the spring, after kids went back to school, I started thinking that I am almost hiding behind it all. I was needed for home school. But I also discovered how busy I can be around the house. Guess what? I can organize myself better, get husband of his ass and help, and if everything won't done to perfection the world won't end. So, after unpacking and settling, I will start my next adventure. Because change is good. Seize the day...