I have come to the conclusion that a garden is very much like marriage. You move to a grown up house and it has a garden. It may be well-kept or something to start to work on. And you want to make it a success. You either decide to keep it in the great condition you have found it, or you carefully plan a lie out, consult a professional, ask friends and family for advice, start visiting garden centres as often as you used to frequent night clubs or fashion chains. Whatever the starting point is, you are confident that you will make it work and it will be great.
Isn't it similar to a relationship? You moved in, lived together, decided to make it official and found a new 'forever' home. Or, you dated for a long time and decided to make it official, after talking about it extensively with your friends and family, maybe even a priest. Then, after the wedding, you move in together and start to live as a family that you now are.
The garden surprises you. Lets go with the option of a garden you've inherited from previous owners. Before you know it the grass is tall to your knees, there are weeds, you can't see the soil between the flowers which are now dead and overgrown, not looking their best. It may look a little bit like the end of the honeymoon phase, when you realize that you can't even remember what the carefully written vows had actually said, but the reality is kicking in and life is somehow the same as before, only without a wedding and a honeymoon to look forward to, only bills, thank you cards, administrative tasks, and pressure about 'pattering of tiny feet'. You realize that this will take work.
You have an early success. In the first season, you try to sow some seeds, add a few new plants, have a go with strawberries. And you bring home a platter of fruit a day for a while, have a crop harvest of zucchini and tomatoes, your flowers blossom. You find out that the grass needs to be cut at least once in two weeks and that weeds grow faster when it rains. You meet slugs... But you feel optimistic. You have your own food (well, some, but it does feel good not having to buy strawberries or tomatoes). In your marriage, you sorted the post-wedding stuff, settled in your new life, learnt your new signature. You got it!
For the next year, you decide to start a new vegetable patch, grow more produce, get a bird feeder and some nice furniture. You imagine hosting barbeques, lazing on a sun lounger, living more or less outside few months in the year. Husband buys a massive grill and puts it right under the arch on which roses started to climb. You argue what matters more - a good barbeque spot, or nice rose arch? The weather is horrible and you use the garden furniture only twice. Visitors tell you they already had lots of strawberries, their kids stomp in your new flowers, and the vegetable patch is eaten up by slugs. That much for spinach and kale smoothies every morning. In your married life, you find out that fertility issues are more common than you would have thought. People who clapped you on the wedding day remind you that marriage should be done in a certain way and the way is different from what you are doing. But you won't give up, you have the best partner in the world!
Similar scenarios continue through the years. You can't rely on the crop you have hoped to get. It is endless work. So is marriage. Year after year, you look out of the window in February and you start planning what will you grow this year, forgetting that in November you swore you won't bother. In your marriage, you are very much used to your partner. If you do have kids in the end, the next few years will really give you a break from gardening, because you have no energy left. If you don't have kids, there may be pets. Or, ideally, the garden really becomes your sanctuary, a special place where you care for nature and yourself.
There are times when you want to give up. One option is concrete, decking, or artificial turf. In your marriage, that may mean the end. You may only partially give up. Stop growing things, minimal weed maintenance, necessary grass trim, just meh. You may or may not spend time in there. If you do, you notice wildlife. And you think to yourself, that at least you are rewilding... In you marriage, you may live side by side, but don't really care that much. It is what it is. You may make more effort, but is it worth it? You realize that gardening isn't really for you. Same with marriage. But you have a garden now. And a husband. So you get along with it. Possibly, your garden thrives. You make it yours. Change it in a way that works for you. It is a beautiful place. In that case, congratulation, you are in a happy marriage, if you are still going with the metaphor.
I have these thoughts in my head after weird winter, cold spring, heatwave, and a very wet summer. Our garden looks like a jungle. Behind the fence, some weeds are the size of a small tree. Most strawberries rotted while being eaten by slugs. We have one zucchini and tree carrots. But, whatever. It is what it is. Relationships, just like nature, move in circles, not in a line.
No comments:
Post a Comment